Finding True Peace....In and Out

I have been approached often lately by clients and students about my journey through a 20+ year debilitating eating disorder and the genuine peace that I have found in this process of recovery. I feel called to begin to share pieces of my story and will do so through my blog as well as other platforms. Today I share some raw truth about my recovery process and the place in which I have landed. Every woman who goes on this ride has unique and varying personal experiences and, in no way am I saying that my way is the “right” way or that I am superior than anyone else who has struggled with these issues. I have simply found the light at the end of that long, dark tunnel and I seek to inspire and support others in finding their capacity to truly heal from their core in the most embodied and life-serving way possible. Here is my tidbit for the day…  

Bottom line: when it comes down to it – I have reached a place in life when I really palpably get on every level that life is truly short and that I have a choice every single day. Do I want to spend my precious days obsessing about eating a freaking cookie or too much pizza or whatever the food of the day is, OR do I want to spend my days celebrating being alive, breathing, in a body that not only functions but is healthy. Healthy from the inside out. Yes, I still have my days when I haven’t exercised and have been eating abundantly – but they don’t run the show any longer – maybe for a couple of minutes or even an hour; but that’s as far as it goes because life is fucking short and a belly roll here or there ain’t gonna stop me from living. Being happy and joyful and peaceful and relaxed in my body has become the most important thing. It has taken precedence. My love of food and feeding myself in a soulful way with good, nourishing food (and the occasional greasy, yummy, decadent treat) has become way more important than if I am ripped. The day has come when softness has become sexier than having the armor of tight, protective muscles surrounding every crevice of me. When my “work outs” consist of true body check in and movements which actually feel good to my body and my soul – movements that deeply honor my energy level, mood, and my needs of that moment rather than discounting it all and working out to burn calories with the intention of getting rid of more and more of myself. I feel no need to excavate myself, no desire to perpetually punish myself, and only the intention of loving myself as I am. Today. In this moment. Despite whether or not I got my hike in, I practiced yoga, I ate “perfectly” (whatever that actually means)…to me, this is true self-love, this is a genuine recovery, this is peace making at its finest. This is life-serving, life-altering, and life-giving, deep and essential work. We must be able to breathe into all of who we are in order to truly find the peace and ease we are so craving. And, guess what? Our bodies actually regulate themselves when we can breathe in that peace and calm. When we take the time to tend to and move with our bodies varying needs and rhythms and really, truly honor them. No punishment. No angst. No conditions.

This is real, raw, truthful recovery and, I believe is absolutely the only way to embody ourselves…to embody our lives.