There is an overarching societal belief that when you give birth to a child you instantly become blissed out and deeply connected to your baby. For me, that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
It has been an arduous and lonely road stepping into mommy-hood with this being beginning from conception.
My boy is approaching double digits and I feel as though we have landed in our sweet spot. We have found our way into that bond that we missed when he was a baby. Our hearts beat together and our systems have settled in unison. As he reaches towards more independence in the world, he simultaneously is stepping closer to me and I to him.
We have navigated over 8 years alone together and have a bond like no other. We have grown together, laughed together, cried together, screamed together in anger and in joy. We have learned the art of relationship and the power of repair. We have held each other in the darkness and celebrated the light. We are an invincible team. I am reminded constantly that it is never too late for anything, even that deep connection with your child.
Trauma, post-partum depression, and the effects of abusive relationships can have tremendous impact on the ability to bond with ones child.
Mothers need support, to be held in whatever state they are in after birth. They need compassion and community. They need love and acceptance. I felt such shame that I couldn’t bond with my son – such failure as a woman and a mother that I couldn’t nurse my baby, comfort my baby, hold my baby with ease. I felt so much angst in myself at the unacceptable feelings that I was having about my new role as Mommy.
The struggle is real for so many women. May we look out for our women, for those that are becoming mothers, those that are in the thick of motherhood and reach out without judgment. May we remember the massiveness of this “job” and honor it in all of its flavors. May we approach the women and mothers around us with reverence and kindness – knowing in our hearts that no matter what one’s outer situation is we have no idea what is going on inside of them.
May we hold the space for others to step out of the shame and into empowerment of their life situations and circumstances.
And may we remember that we are never truly alone, even in those times when it feels the most lonely.