Category: Uncategorized

The Power of Gratitude

“When I started counting my blessings my whole world turned around”.

~Willie Nelson

 

The astrology as of late has been swirling, churning, and digging up some skeletons.  I certainly feel it and hear stories of a similar flavor from clients and friends.

 

In midst of the chaos of the times how can we remain centered and grounded in a space of love towards ourselves and those around us? Always an inquiry and opportunity to drop more deeply into our practices and create small yet potent ways in our day-to-day to access that space.

 

Can you infuse your body with love?  Can you meet each moment with a feeling of gratitude and trust that all is truly unfolding exactly how it is supposed to? Can you tap into that sense of joy and appreciation in even the most mundane of moments?

 

Remembering that it is up to us to make that choice to shift into a space of love and gratitude, especially in those moments when it is hardest to access.

 

Giving permission to slow down, tune into your breath, put your hands on your body and remember your presence and aliveness.  Orient yourself in whatever way possible to the current moment and find something to feel grateful for. Anything.

 

Gratitude and appreciation are contagious and when we begin to appreciate our lives the gratitude builds and infuses our everyday existence.  We create the opportunity to cultivate the space to live in appreciation of this magical existence we call a human life.  This is where the good stuff lies.

 

Where the expansion and possibility intertwine and the rightness of who we are is undeniable.

 

Fear or Love?

“She was powerful,

not because she wasn’t scared,

but because she went on so

strongly,

despite the fear”.

~Atticus

 

Keeping it real!

 

NO ONE is exempt here.  Fear is a natural and normal part of the human condition.  It is part of the territory of growth and healing.

 

Growth can be scary.  Sometimes it feels as though you are about to jump off a cliff and do not know if there is a net to catch you.

 

It’s what we choose to do with the fear that is crucial. We can oblige and pull the covers over our heads OR we can step in and step past the fear into possibility.

 

When we choose to continue to step forward into the unknown – despite the fear – our strength builds.  It is always an opportunity to build our confidence in who we are as our upright and whole selves.

 

It is scary to let go of sabotaging patterns. Addictions serve to some degree and we consistently make the choice to step out of them – away from the cycle – what is left is so pure, raw, and often foreign.

 

I have witnessed in myself on my own path as well as with clients over the years the tendency to collapse into fear during a big growth spurt.  When we are being reorganized and healed from the inside out it is foreign territory and naturally our fear-based survival instincts kick into gear.

 

What do we do in those moments? 

 

Continuously meeting that fear and taking steps forward on your own behalf is the work.  There is that moment, that pause, that I call the “sweet spot” in which the opportunity to allow in the space, the breath, the self-soothing to interrupt the cycle. These are the moments that become golden opportunities to sustainably shift patterns and step more fully into who we are. To feel ourselves through the fear and to cultivate that strength and faith and to continue on despite the scary unknown.

 

The step out on the other side brings another layer of strength and perseverance. 

 

Holding ourselves closely with love and unwavering support to become bigger, brighter, and more full of the whole of who we are.

 

The opportunity to stand taller – to speak clearer – to move out of the fear and into the place of love.

 

The Gift of Meditation

“To meditate means to be there.  
To be with yourself”.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I have been an avid early morning meditator for many years. It has been my non-negotiable, daily ritual keeping me balanced and sane while navigating single motherhood and running a business.

Meditation has been the balm for my soul and the blanket for my heart.

It has become a part of me – a limb – and has sustained my capacity to remain connected to my breath, my body, and the present moment as life has unfolded.

My time on my cushion is stabilizing, enlivening, and enlightening.  Not always easy or comfortable, yet I feel held during the quiet and stillness by my own arms and more upright in who I am.

My 9 year-old son, Kai, has had special needs, which have challenged him in his ability to self-regulate, sensory integration, and other behavioral issues. He has witnessed my practices over the years and has been averse to joining in in any context – making endearing comments about my alter, asking me why I am so “spirit-full” (a favorite!), and telling me that I am a “weird” yoga mom.

A few months ago I offered to buy him a deck of Animal Spirit Cards as the cards that I draw noticeably intrigued him.  He enthusiastically obliged and what has unfolded since then has been incredibly beautiful and powerful to witness and be a part of.

Kai has now set up his own alter with meaningful stones, a candle, and draws weekly Spirit Animal cards, which have potent and positive messages on them.  A couple of nights a week we light our candles and sit together for 10 minutes. He rolls out his own yoga mat with pride, wraps a blanket over his shoulders, and sits quietly (with the occasional outburst of laughter or a burp!).

Recently, as the timer indicated the completion of our meditation, my son said “I felt in synch with you”.  I felt it too.  After our many weeks of sitting together we have landed and the result is palpable.

Observations since beginning our practice together:

  • Kai and I are more connected.
  • Kai is more present and engaged when we are talking.
  • He makes eye contact more consistently.
  • He has become more resilient.
  • He is more relaxed in his body and able to receive physical contact.
  • He is able to self-regulate and calm his system more rapidly.
  • He has become more flexible and open with the flow of life.


It is affirming to me that anyone can meditate and the crucial nature of exposing our children to these life-altering practices early on.

During this time of giving, consider giving yourselves and your children the gift of a meditation practice.

The benefits are infinite.

Are you interested in bringing a meditation practice into your household yet do not know where to begin?  As a gift to you, I am offering FREE 15 minute consultations to get your practice started.  

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear”.

~Baba Ram Dass

What does it mean to “Embody Life”?

What does it mean to “Embody Life”?

 

The name of my evolving business, Embody Life, was birthed after what I had experienced as many stressful and compromising years unwinding from an abusive marriage, severe postpartum depression, and navigating single motherhood with a special needs child.  I was brought to my knees so often and really was forced to dig so deep into my well of practice, inner strength, and knowledge to survive.  To remain embodied in midst of life became my focus.

 

Then early 2016 arrived with a house fire and set into motion an unbelievable sequence of events that truly gave, Embody Life, a whole new meaning. 

 

I was gifted (and, yes, I do consider them all gifts!) with opportunity after opportunity to put my decades of practices into action and to meet the trauma, the heartache, the fear, the upheaval with a steady and embodied presence.  I most certainly had moments of forgetting and succumbing to the overwhelm, yet, I did not crumble.

 

I did not collapse.

 

I did not take on the role of victim or martyr.

 

The events that unfolded include: coming home to my house on fire, a grueling advocacy on behalf of my son in the schools that led to an excruciating 6-month battle with the school district, an horrendous attack in a court of law by an unconscious and aggressive male attorney representing my sons dad, and a near death experience while traveling alone in Mexico. I met them with equanimity and with presence.  I allowed myself to feel my feelings without numbing or suppressing them. I moved the energy with consciousness, and I connected to those who could hold me and reflect to me with love and compassion in those moments.

 

To me, that is Embodying Life.

 

With each experience I deepened in my capacity to heal myself, become more upright in the truth of who I am, and embody my life. 

 

So often when life unfolds in ways that are less than desirable we resist, numb, check out, push against, and therefore find ourselves in a revolution of addiction that has the potential to grow unless we consciously choose to step out of the cycle.

 

I very much understand.

 

When I chose to check myself into a treatment center at 23 years of age, that was my first of many, many more interruptions of a cycle.  I had no idea at that young age, the path that would be laid out for me from that point on.

 

My business and who I am personally are both reflections of this incredible path I have walked.  They are me at my essence and are laden with the wisdom I have gleaned on the front lines of life.

 

My business and I are one. We reflect the decades of work done in the realm of healing through embodiment.

 

So, what does it mean to Embody Life? 

 

Facing every single day, every single life event with courage, strength, and conviction.

 

Remaining connected to the truth of who you are in midst of the ups and downs of life.

 

Meeting life with unwavering belief in the power of humanity and the capacity that each one of us has in healing ourselves from the inside out and truly living an embodied life of brilliance.

 

“My life is my practice”

~Ram Dass

 

 

 

 

We Retreat to Remember

“There are times when we stop, we sit still. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper”.

 

~James Carroll

 

As I was facilitating my most recent retreat experiences, I kept hearing the phrase “We Retreat to Remember”.  When we retreat, in any capacity, our cells have the space to heal. We create that breathing room in our being to remember who we truly are. We have the opportunity to carve new pathways in our minds, our bodies, our hearts, and in our lives as a whole.

 

When we give ourselves the space for quiet and stillness, we naturally slow down and tune into that deep, intuitive voice. We transition from doing into being. 

 

As a working single mom, I have learned that I cannot afford to wait until that opportune moment to exit my life and go on a bigger retreat. I have created what I call “retreat moments”, that give me the opportunity to remain connected to myself in midst of day-to-day life.

 

During my “retreat moments”, I remember the crucial nature of creating the space in life to listen, to acknowledge, to honor, and to heal.

 

“Retreat moments” are an opportunity to reset and remember.

 

Some of my favorite “retreat moments” include:

 

  • Stepping outside, taking some breaths, and orienting myself to the natural world around me.

 

  • Pausing for a moment while cooking dinner, putting one hand on my heart and one hand on my belly, closing my eyes and tuning into my breath.

 

  • Taking 5 minutes and lying on the ground, coming into my breath, and feeling the connection of my body to the earth.

 

  • 20 – 30 minutes of early morning quiet meditation.

 

  • A spontaneous yoga session of a pose or two in the middle of the woods while with my son.

 

  • A mindful walk around the block focusing on my breath and my steps.

 

  • A candlelit hot bath with Epsom salts and soothing essential oils.

 

  • A long restorative yoga practice abundantly using props so that my mind can quiet, my body can soften, and my heart can unwind.

 

 

When I am consistently creating “retreat moments” in my life, I feel resourced, present, and grounded.  I am a better mom, am more resourced and connected, and am able to meet life with equanimity.

 

“Retreat moments”alwaysencompass tuning into my breath, bringing awareness to that quiet space inside, feeling my body, and tapping into the stirrings of my heart. From there, an embodied wisdom is invited to emerge.

 

We must slow down to tune in. 

 

It is truly a radical act of self-care.

 

It is a declaration of love to breathe into our bodies, inviting in that space to heal, grow, honor, and celebrate the fullness of living an embodied life.

 

There is much wisdom and potency accessible in cultivating silence and stillness.  By practicing daily, in small or larger moments we strengthen that muscle which keeps us steady in the face of difficulty.  We have the opportunity to enhance an unwavering belief in the truth of who we are and the rightness of our life’s path.

 

 

As we dive deeper into the winter months, may we cultivate these moments of retreat to listen and inform what is to come. May we bring consciousness into this time of darkness and allow ourselves the space to heal.

 

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear”.

 

~Baba Ram Dass

The Epidemic of Self-Doubt and Breaking Ingrained Patterns

The Epidemic of Self-Doubt and Breaking Ingrained Patterns

Our challenges in life have the potential to be our greatest medicine and gifts to the world.  We must be sharing our stories and experiences and having these conversations to heal.  We must feel ourselves in relation to others to lift the shame and break the cycle. We must remember that we are not alone, not even for a moment and although others may not resonate with our version of the story, we all have our stories.  We all hold variations of the stories and carry with us the pieces to the puzzle.  Our stories are powerful and have formed the foundation of who we are.  Sharing our stories is pure liberation and provides the opportunity to shed layers of shame and angst, heal, repair, embrace, and embody who we truly are. 
  

I work with women and men who struggle with disordered eating, those unwinding from trauma and those who are searching for peace in themselves.  The overarching theme that I continuously witness is a tremendous feeling of self-doubt.

Somewhere along the road of their lives they internalized the message that they are not worthy, not good enough, and have nothing to offer those that are blessed to cross their paths. These are highly successful professionals whom have had a tremendously positive impact on others, yet the feelings of self-doubt consistently reign and are being played out in their abilities to nourish and nurture themselves.

I get it wholeheartedly.

As I was gearing up to begin my physical descent down to Taos to work with 4 different women intensively over the course of 2 weekends, my old stories, programming, and messages about my abilities – my capacity to do this deep work, and my own personal biography in the realm of disordered eating and unwinding trauma, were screaming.

I was in self-doubt hell and it took every ounce of my connection to my true Self and my decades of practice to continue forward despite the cries otherwise.

What unfolded felt nothing short of miraculous as I pushed through my wall of self-doubt and landed embodied and upright in who I am. My experience affirmed my strong beliefs in the power of consistent, meditative practices which provide the the capacity to sift through what is truth and what is old messaging.

I am also reminded of the crucial nature of authenticity and being exactly who we are both personally and professionally.

I share this with you as a bridge – as an offering of a gateway towards our humanness – and, as validation that not only does everyone go through times of doubting the self, but that each of us truly have our own unique voice and story to share.

Please do not allow the voices of self-doubt to stifle who you are in the world.  Your experiences in this lifetime are of equal value to those who may be making millions public speaking or those who have 10,000 Instagram followers.

You are important.

We are important.

Now, more than ever, the world needs the light from each of us – first honoring that light that lies within, our true Self – and then honoring the light in each other.

“Be kinder to yourself and then let your kindness flood the world”.

~Pema Chodron

Tell the Truth.

“The healing and recovery for all addictive behaviors includes learning to cultivate a discipline of telling the truth, first to oneself and then to others”.

~Katherine Woodward Thomas

I love this quote.  It encompasses for so many of us recovering addicts the void that is missing from our lives. Our life situations, life experiences, our feelings, thoughts, emotions, and the actions that we have chosen to take as a result of are rarely based upon truth. Truth is generally not what is presented to us, what is accepted, and we are not given the license to live from that authentically and unwavering place of truth.  We are taught to suppress, stuff, numb, distract, and hide all of the confusion and angst that we experience as young ones.

Rarely do we meet those adults whom were supported and encouraged to be who they are – the whole of them – the messy and unappetizing of them – the ones who were taught to open their hearts and share their unabashed souls.

A disclaimer here:  This is not about blaming the adults whom raised us.  Not about blaming ourselves for the choices we have made in living our lives.  We have all done the best we could given the human experience and situation that we have been gifted with.

I truly feel that.

I do not spend a minute in blaming others for my lifetime of addictions and I will never support anyone in doing so.  We all have wounding – it is the nature of being a human being.  We all also have choice as to how we respond to these wounds.  Personally, I feel the importance of self-responsibility.  Of removing ourselves from the space of what others have done to  us and moving in the clear direction of what choices we have made on behalf of ourselves.  It is a hard pill to swallow when we move in that direction and take ownership for the creation of our lives, yet, in my experience, it is the only way to truly heal and move forward wholly embodied and operating from your heart.

I spent decades trying to decipher what was mine and what others had done to me.  It got me nowhere and set me up for many years of struggle and an inability to land in my body and in my heart.  It kept me distracted and disconnected from the actuality of who I am and the beauty of my life, right now.  As it is. 

Shifting into a state of ownership, acceptance, and yielding into the mode of receptivity has been a game changer.  It is not an overnight process, mind you, yet worthy of the time and efforts it takes to attain and sustain what I consider to be true and embodied self-acceptance.

The unconditional loving of ourselves in every moment, even in the times when our imperfections surface – especially when we fall off the path as that is where the good stuff lies. 

When I can have a moment of angst around a less-than-respectful text message received from my son’s dad and my breath becomes short, I become short-tempered with my son, I dig into the ice cream pint or eat my dinner so fast I haven’t even tasted it – when I have those moments and then a potent moment of acceptance, which usually comes in the form of slowing down, finding my breath, putting my hands on my body, apologizing to my boy for my impatience, and remembering who I am and the truth of the entire scenario……those are the nuggets of gold.

Those are the moments that escalate our growth and capacity as humans.  Those are the times in our lives when we have the choice to pour the love onto our humanness and watch the flowers grow. 

I was walking into Whole Foods the other day with my son when I ran into an old acquaintance that I haven’t seen in awhile.  Mind you I saw him from afar and was trying desperately to diverge our course so that he and I didn’t end up aligned, yet aligned we became.  As we walked side-by-side into the store I noticed my old story surface about how irritating he was and how triggered I was going to become as he touted about his new living situation of residing half the year in Hawaii and half the year in Boulder.  Oh, and then about the girlfriend, and blah blah blah.  You get the picture.   I was bracing myself and was holding my son’s hand tightly as if he could “protect” me from the conversation and provide me with the security that I was longing for in that moment – or perhaps in my life.  The assurance that the past 8 + years have not be for naught.  That I am where I am in my life as being mommy has been my absolute priority and that I didn’t need to make excuses for myself…..

What happened though was dramatically different as I softened into my being, I relaxed my body, I opened my heart and walked tall in the pride of who I am.  I was met with such graciousness from this man. I was given the most incredible compliment of recognition and I left our interaction feeling fabulously empowered and alive.  To me, it was a moment of sheer self-acceptance and the proof or reminder or affirmation, whatever you want to call it, that our intention and the ways in which we carry ourselves, our hearts, and our beingness matter.

When we believe in ourselves and love ourselves and accept ourselves, we magnetize goodness.  We draw out the positive aspects of those that we are blessed to pass on our paths and the divinely timed event in our lives become more apparent.  We are open to the good, so the good will come.

When we are living from our truth, healing is inevitable.

When we make the choice to stop hiding behind our addictive ways of living and being, anything is possible.

This truth may stir up fear and that is completely understandable. This is uncharted territory for many, many adults whom only know how to live from one addiction to another.

I understand.  I have been there.  I lived that way for most of my life.

For me, cultivating the deepest sense of self-acceptance in the totality of who I am – the unconditional loving presence for myself that I have longed for from others – the fierceness to love and accept myself flaws and all – has been powerful beyond words.  It feels like a gift to have so much more of life to continue living even thought I spent so much of it berating and obsessing, punishing and abusing. Sometimes it takes a crisis of sorts to “snap” one out of it.  Sometimes it takes intensive process and therapy.  Sometimes it takes reminders from those whom have walked the path before you.  Sometimes it’s an inspiring resonant book.  Often it is a combination of it all.  We have the opportunity every single moment of every single day to tap into our resources.  The choice is alive.  Living a fully embodied life is always an option.

There is no perfection here.

No end point.

It is a work in progress and every day there lies infinite opportunities to surrender, soften, love, accept, yield, receive, and accept our beautiful bodies, hearts, and souls.

Tuning into the greater flow of love and abundance and keeping our mind chatter out of the equation.

Cultivating daily practices which support this state of being are essential — meditation, yoga or other embodiment practices, mantras, and a commitment to our inherent wellbeing – must take precedence in the busyness of being a human.

When we put our own truth and healing at the forefront of our existence, anything is possible.

 

 

 

 

Step IN.

“Step out of the history that is holding you back. 

Step into the new story you are willing to create”.

~Oprah Winfrey

 

We all have our stories from the past – the imprints that these stories have had on our bodies, our hearts, and our psyches.  It is so easy to allow those storylines to run rampant and inform how we move in the world.  It takes great courage and commitment to step out of the old stories and into the new.

Getting clear about the new path that you are wanting to walk on and then taking those steps onto it.  Feeling the timidity, the shakiness, the uncertainty, and stepping in anyhow.

Pushing past the bubble of fear, the fog of indecision, and declaring how you want your life to look and feel.

Now.

Right now.

Shedding the old messages, stories, and doubts.  Making the choice to claim who you are in all of your glory, embrace your unique gifts and quirkiness, and truly own your story.

Own it, but don’t give it the reigns of your existence.

It is so important to acknowledge and honor our histories, those experiences and situations in life which have shaped us up until this moment. Share them, celebrate them, grieve them, and then shed them.  With heart and with honor. 

We are not our histories, we are not what has happened to us.

We are whole and powerful.

Every moment is this precious choice to step out of the old and into the new.

With presence, with compassion, with the deepest self-love.

Breath by breath, moment by moment, we have the opportunity to stand taller in who we are – more upright – clearer – more open and soft and powerful.

Each moment that opportunity to acknowledge our past and step more fully into our present with perspective of a bright and enlivened future. 

 

 

Love in Action.

“If one wishes to know love, one must live love, in action”.

~Leo Buscaglia

 

 

This quote landed on my fridge after my near death experience while traveling in Mexico.

 

The wake up call that I experienced was like nothing I could have ever imagined possible.

 

It cracked me open, woke me up, and has impacted my every move in life.

 

I have become hyper aware of when I shut down to those around me and when I am soft and open.  I realized in that moment of thinking I could die, that I hadn’t been really living, not in a way that I wanted to be.  Not from my heart, not from a space of openness to humanity, and integrity and honor of who I am.  I had been dimming myself, apologizing for my existence, and not appreciating the goodness that lives within.

 

We cannot be selective about who we are loving to. 

 

I do not say this lightly as my son’s dad is the most challenging person in my world and being loving to him sometimes feels impossible.  What I can say, with all my heart, is that I truly do strive to live love in action. I work every day to keep my heart open and to meet those I encounter with that space of possibility, of acceptance, of compassion, and of connection.  Choosing to give love without the expectation of it being returned. Everyone has their struggles, their inner and outer battles, the things that they are ashamed of and hide from the world.  Life is not always pretty, I know this one quite well.

 

 

Not knowing if you are going to take another breath in this physical body puts everything into perspective….The magnitude of the preciousness of this human life, the everyday interactions with those in our intimate world and also with strangers, the motivation to be healthy and whole, the inspiration to make a fucking difference in this incredibly broken world…

 

Live love in action.  Share the love.  Be loving and kind.  Make eye contact.  Ask people how they are.  Open your eyes and appreciate all of the beauty around.  Find gratitude even in those painfully hard moments.  Hold your little and big people close. Hug as much as you can.  Cry when you need to.  Open your heart.  Heal yourself.  Live your life.  Live love in action.

Eye-Opening and Soul-Stirring…

 

I pride myself and my recovery process on my choice to eat anything that I want to. 

 

I gave myself permission decades ago to do so and it has greatly served my process. 

 

I also have learned to eat anything I want to in moderation, which is no small feat, especially as a recovering food addict. 

 

Yet, I have done so and really stuck with the program. 

 

As a result, my body has stabilized, my moods have become more regulated, and I rarely have a moment of obsession about a “forbidden” food because there are no forbidden foods in my diet. 

 

This plan does not work for everyone and many that I was in treatment with 20 years ago needed more structure in their recovery process.  Always a reminder that there is absolutely no “one size fits all” in the recovery dance and certainly not in life.

 

I have also learned to breathe into my belly even in those moments when it feels impossible. 

 

I recognized many years ago that I would hold my breath while eating – as if I would not actually be eating the food if I wasn’t breathing.  It was a way for me to falsely control my intake and what I recognized eventually was that it was really messing with my digestion, assimilation, and metabolism. Holding my breath while eating anything, even a salad, was not inviting in the nutrition into my body – rather it was giving my body and my soul the message that I wasn’t worthy of eating.  I wasn’t worthy of nourishment.  The conflicting messages that I was sending to myself were indicative of the conflict I was experiencing internally and the external result was a very unhealthy digestive system, extreme mood swings, hormonal challenges, and constant obsession.

 

I never felt satisfied in life, period. 

 

I was always searching for more – a food, a new exercise, a new home, a new job, a new love interest, a new pair of boots, a new bed!  You name it.

 

I was completely unable to land in myself. 

 

It took years to unravel that pattern and to find the understanding in myself that I needed to freaking BREATHE in order to land in my life.  I needed to take that radical action of deep belly breaths not only while I was eating but also while I was moving throughout my day-to-day life and until I could do that consistently there was always going to be that longing – that searching – that sense of feeling incomplete.

 

And, for the most part, I have landed.

 

Enter, getting sick.  I rarely get sick…I don’t know if it’s because I am a single mom and literally cannot get sick as there is no one to back me up with my son.  Regardless, I have found myself down in the past few days and my system has been begging me to slow down, shift my intake, and rest rest rest.  All are verydifficult for me, again, perhaps because of my wiring around must do do do as a single mama.  As I have had no other choice but to slow down, shift my intake, and rest, I have had the golden opportunity to do some work on myself. Nothing like mixing up the “usual” routine and feeling compromised in my body to help me to look at myself and grow.

 

That is just who I am.

 

This round landed in my digestive system and subsequently has affected every system.  Finally, the issues that I was feeling in my digestion landed my ass in bed. There was no more plowing through. I have had the opportunity to look at myself and my patterns around eating and living and breathing and relating.

 

Who knew that getting sick would be so enlightening?? 

 

I was able to note, bigtime, that my digestive woes were as a direct result of the stress that has been happening with my 9-year old around dinnertime.  His meltdowns in my commitment to structure and responsibility during his school weeks reared their ugly head right as I was beginning the cooking and consuming process around our delicious dinners.  Coupled with my exhaustion from a busy day of clients and work, I have more often than not, been frazzled, angry, and resentful during that dinner hour.  Hard to admit but I spent many nights eating my dinner while standing in the kitchen putting out fires with my boy.  Not good.  The toll that this took on me and my body and my entire being has been eye opening.

 

Equally soul stirring has been my awareness around the attachments that I have in my food intake and consumption.  Again, the pride that I have developed in relation to my recovery process and being able to eat anything I want to, has gone out the window while sick.  When I am in the space of not being able to digest anything, of course, I have to shift my intake.  The level of panic, anxiety, and clinging that this has brought up in me has been fascinating.

 

Now, at the point of turning a corner and beginning to feel much better, I am able to notice, honor, and hold myself in this space.  This space that I was the “norm” for me for years and years. 

 

The space where, now, 20 years into my recovery process, I can name as yet another growing opportunity. 

 

A reset.  A time of deep self-awareness.  And a place of empowerment. 

 

This time of sickness has indeed shaken my soul and opened my eyes to some deeply ingrained patterns, yet it has also been such a reflection of the incredible growth that I have been through – the work that I have consistently done – and the reminder that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. 

 

I am not broken, I am not wounded, I am human and an imperfect one at that. 

 

I am able to glean insight from every single experience that I go through and always, always come through on the other side….more upright in who I am and at peace with this wild road of recovery.