then there came the day….

and then there came the day when i stopped trying to get rid of myself and started truly embracing myself — warts and all…stopped exercising incessantly…stopped sticking those headphones in and forcing the repetitive motion of my legs on an elliptical….stopped telling myself stories of ‘needing to’ and started checking in about what i really ‘needed’.  what was my body actually asking for?  what would feel really damn good?  what kinds of movements would nourish rather than punish?  what foods would feed not only my body but also my soul?

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i stopped relying on the mirror to bring me happiness and i chose to find it within…no matter what that damn mirror said.  i stopped listening to that loud voice that was so comfortable with punishment and suffering — that incessant voice of defeat and negativity — and i started allowing the voice of loving kindness, compassion, wisdom and maturity to be at the forefront.  true acknowledgement of the role that the latter has had on my 40 years of being….i needed her to survive….but, now, she is getting in the way of me living my truest shining light of a life and i do not need or want her around anymore.  it is with the deepest compassion that i bid farewell — honoring the past and the incredible journey we have taken together — finding gratitude for the lessons and opportunities that she has provided me….and, now it is time to release and allow the space of transformation and genuine power to emerge.  that which has been bubbling.  that which has been on simmer for many years — is finally really ready to come to a boil — she cannot be contained any longer.

so it is with the utmost respect, love, and courage that i lean into her….with trust, faith, determination, and an undeniable belief in myself and the power to self-heal. ~Alison Rothman 2015