Love of the Whole Self

How can you crack yourself open to love for your whole self? 

How can we find our way back to our own hearts?

What does love of self really look and feel like authentically and not in the woo woo sense?

This week’s blogpost, Love of Whole Self, is full of questions as it is most certainly a subject of inquiry and exploration.  I hope you will join me in digging into these cobwebs of our humanness for the sake of learning how to LOVE ourselves and each other without all of the gunk attached.

Loving ourselves is a moment-by-moment choice, a practice, an action, a path, and a prayer.

Acceptance of self is the key ingredient along the path of self-love.

The term “self-love” is way overused yet seldom used in the most authentic expression of the term.

It is “easy” to love ourselves when we feel “good” but what about those moments when we feel achy or off kilter…in physical or emotional pain, jealous, obsessive, overwhelmed….

What about those HUMAN moments that every single one of us experiences?

Cultivating the gesture of love in ourselves in those stickier moments of life is the nitty gritty work of self-love. Those are the moments when we may need to dig deep and connect with ourselves on a level that is perhaps foreign and uncomfortable, yet healing in wordless ways ushering us into a new realm of love. 

When we are unloving with ourselves it is impossible to be authentically loving with another. 

Sure, we can “act” loving through our gestures despite the inner fragmentation we may be feeling, yet the authentic expression of pure love is not able to circulate throughout the entirety of us and our interaction.

I began noticing many years ago, while unraveling from a lifelong eating disorder, that when I was in a space of angst in my skin, hating on my body, and overall disconnect from the present moment due to my obsession with my physicality, love was elusive. I was reactive, disconnected, judgmental (of myself so of course others!) and overall had barriers up to the crevices of my heart. 

When we are out of love with ourselves we are disconnected to that stream of loving consciousness, more abrasive in our interactions, and overall impatient with the unfolding of life.

How can you find love for yourself in those moments in your life that are the most challenging? How can you tap into that well of love when you feel less than graceful in your ways of navigating life?

For me, a big one has been when my teenager is off the charts moody and reactive, the house is a mess and chaotic, I haven’t had the alone time my introverted self needs to access myself, and I feel like I am smothering and suffocating in it all.

Habitually, I would get down on myself, but what I continuously have learned is that those are the moments where the gems lie. Those are the moments, when if I can pull myself into a space of love, of compassion, of adoration, of kindness, of respect for who I am in my own process of life, then things miraculously shift.

Learning and practicing self-love in midst of the inevitable ups and downs, triggers and traumas, fluctuating textures and flavors of our human existence is a continuous process and inquiry into the nuances of our hearts.  What works for one of our fellow humans, may certainly not for another. How self-love feels for one may feel completely different for another. 

Consider this message an invitation to dive into your own process of loving….beginning with your own self.  Once we understand on an embodied level how that feels for us, then we are able to meet others from that place of authenticity in our loving gestures.

Some examples are:

Self-love looks like…

I am going to take some time alone with myself in midst of the demands and swirls of life.

I am going to choose to slow things down, take some deep breaths in my belly and allow myself to land in the moment, rather than forcing, or approaching life from a place of heightened reactivity.

I will no longer play small, shrink myself into a ball to meet other people’s expectations of who I am. I will be my bold, beautiful, big, true, WHOLE self no matter what the outer world thinks or feels about me.

I am going to put the phone down, drop into my body and be in the present moment with myself and with those that I am interacting with.

I am going to stop harming myself intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously through the overuse of social media, food, substances, screens, toxic relationships, comparison to others, and anything that feels dark, dense, and dishonoring of who I am.

I am going to feel into the relationships in my life that lift me, that enhance my life, that teach me, that expand me, and that support me from a place of truth and integrity. And, those that do not, I will allow to fall away.

Wherever this message finds you along your journey of loving….of finding your way into the caverns of your own weary, broken, beautiful heart….know that small gestures have great impact. All loving acts on your own behalf will enhance your relationship with the most important person in your life….YOU.

I have a course coming out in March of this year that works deeply with our ingrained patterns around LOVE. Whether or not you are single searching for your loving partner, in a partnership or relationship that needs a loving reboot, or simply wanting to dive into oneself in these waters of love, there is medicine for all in these teachings. 

Stay tuned for the official launch date!

With unwavering LOVE and support,

Alison